Perhaps ..

Would I drop everything today and return to Him immediately upon His slightest indication? I know I would have .. even 3-4 years ago. But would I, now? Or am I too attached now? Or love Him less? Does He still have that power over me after all these years and all this distance?

I wonder what I would do if I see Him at an intersection. Back, in the old days, I would have just rushed up to Him. But now, I will only look .. perhaps our eyes will meet .. and even though my heart would be beating fast, I would slowly turn my head and walk away quietly. I would know it to be an illusion and I would be tired of such illusions.

Perhaps in my journey of life and self-discovery, I have lost the one that I loved the most. Perhaps I am afraid to love, as I once did, knowing it could hurt terribly. Perhaps, I am afraid to trust anyone, as I once innocently did. Perhaps, I would like to be a 2-year old child inside and stay like that forever, but perhaps it is not the wisest thing to do.

My feet are weary, face is dusty, eyes are swollen with unshed tears .. but I know that as long as I can take the next step with a bent head, I will have a purpose that I can fulfill - to keep walking on the road to an unknown destination.

The beauty of all this is that I know He knows .. if this is love, His love is the strangest.