Aimless ranting

I wonder how I will feel when I die. Will I even know if I am dying? Or will it be so sudden that I will not even realize?

And, will I have any regrets in life at that moment? Will I have a guilt-free concious? Could I honestly admit at that point that I made several mistakes but also tried hard? Would I feel regret that I ended up as someone who had a lot of potential but never realized it, at least in the way the world perceived things.

1999 changed my life completely. In some ways, I am still coming to terms with it.

2005 has changed my life considerably. I don't know how long it will take me to achieve equilibrium again.

Munnabhai - II

Lage Raho Munnabhai is a fun blast. Me and my friends were falling out of our chairs during the movie .. and later, were repeating Circuit's dialogues to each other. It was sooo refreshing to watch this movie. I even like the character of Gandhiji.

And .. umm .. I have a huge crush on Vidya Balan now. She has so much talent. She is so pretty and her eyes are soo beautiful ... ummm .. sigh. She did not have to do a sizzling number to win my heart over. And she looked so wonderful in the song "Pal pal har pal" .. I loved that song a lot too. Shantanu Moitra has some talent!!

Munnabhai .. lage raho!!

Wed morning

I just realized that in my thoughts I may have unknowingly trivialized the existence of my parents.

My parents, I know are in India. But to me, half-way across the world, they appear only to be mere mental images. Do I care for them as I did 10 years ago, or even 5 years ago?

Perhaps, I don't .. and I feel horrible about myself.

All that was precious in life once has disappeared. Nothing seems very valuable now. Nothing seems worth holding onto desperately. Not even self-respect.

Who am I? Was I always this way or has my old self disappeared in the wake of life and its experiences? Do I care to know who am I anymore? Or where I belong? Would it matter anyway ........